Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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