I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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