no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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