nut hugger
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
