Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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