my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
