she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
