Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
