I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
