In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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