I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
