Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
