I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize