the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
