how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
