Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The uberlube is also flammable
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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