She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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