Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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