i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
