he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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