I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
BRING THE BAGELS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
