I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
