i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
