OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
