If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
