Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
