Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
