he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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