things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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