I met the friendliest cop last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
