So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
