I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
