I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
