She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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