Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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