I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
