So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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