No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
