I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
