Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
