Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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