..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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