I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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