Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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