Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
