I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
