You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
