How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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