i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
