you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
