seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
